WAKE UP: On to the quarterfinals!

Thanks to y’all we’re gonna be twenty toes down in Australia and New Zealand for the 2023 World Cup! The WAKE UP edition of our newsletter will be your go-to spot for updates, analysis, recaps, travel chat, and anything else we drop.

The Round of 16 is over! We’ve said goodbye to eight teams in the past few days but even better matchups lie ahead. After a rough start to the round, tonight’s games delivered (goals and great memes). Onwards and upwards to less obnoxious quarterfinals (and no in person penalty shootouts for Courtney). As always, we’ll be rooting for sauce and diasporic success.

🚨 If you’re attempting to avoid match spoilers, do NOT scroll further!

We’re serious, don’t do it! You’ve been warned!

Still reading? Ok let’s do this…

Colombia 1-0 Jamaica

It was the only way a CONMEBOL vs CONCACAF showdown in the round of 16 could be: a battle of some of the nicest kits at the tournament. We’re not going to lie to you, the first half was pretty boring. It was difficult for either team to establish a rhythm due to the physicality of the match. In the first half there were six fouls between both teams and several players needed treatment.

We’re convinced both teams saw Courtney’s HT tweet because the second half got spicy real quick. Nutmegs rang free and yung gawd Linda Caicedo almost ended an entire family tree. Just six minutes into the half, captain Catalina Usme opened the scoring from a fantastic ball from Ana María Guzmán.

The Usme goal snapped Jamaica’s 322 minute clean sheet record. Our friend Theo has a great graphic of the breakdown in the Jamaican defense that allowed Usme to sneak behind the back line:

Jody Brown nearly got one back for Jamaica a few minutes after the goal and physicists need to study how it didn’t end up in the back of the net. Lorne Donaldson sacrificed some defensive solidity to go for the equalizer through his substitutions of Kameron Simmonds and Cheyna Matthews. Unfortunately, Jamaica couldn’t get their equalizer and bowed out of the tournament. While we’re so hype for Colombia making it to the quarterfinals for the first time in WWC history, we gotta give all the praise to the Reggae Girlz and Lorne Donaldson (we have a story coming out about him in a bit!).

Very few federations could have done what the Reggae Girlz did this tournament. From fundraising for World Cup Qualifying camps in 2022 and doing it again for this WC to going through a Group of Death unbeaten and becoming the first Caribbean nation to qualify for the round of 16 in Women’s World Cup history, we could not be in more awe.

We love every story written about Cedella Marley and how she revived this team. She deserves every single flower for her work. But the storyline must shift from celebration to public pressure on the JFF. These athletes deserve better support and resources regardless of their historic World Cup run and opportunity to qualify for the Olympics. JFF better not touch a single dollar the players earned by reaching the round of 16.

Up next for the Reggae Girlz: Olympic qualifying vs Canada on September 26th in Toronto. Literally Jamaica vs North Jamaica. We can’t wait.

France 4-0 Morocco

In the final Decolonization Derby/Derby de Colonialisme, France did a country fried beatdown on Morocco. It hurt our soul.

We were deeply conflicted about this match up because we wanted Morocco to win but we also (secretly) want France to do it for Wendie and prove to all the evil federations around the world what you could have if you get your evil, incompetent coaches out of the paint.

This match was always going to be a test for Morocco’s backline against a fluid, fast and fun France frontline. Coming off their 5-3 win vs Panama, Karchaoui, Bacha, Diani and Le Sommer were high flying. Le Bleues piled on the pressure and were rewarded when Diani opened the scoring in the 15th minute.

Just five minutes later, Kenza Dali doubled France’s lead and three minutes after that, Le Sommer added a third. Karachaoui and Bacha were rotating and balling like besties on a Sunday afternoon stroll. Behind them, Geyoro and Toletti were pulling strings in the midfield like maestros in front of a grand symphony.

That’s not to say Morocco didn’t fight back after half time. The Atlas Lionesses piled on pressure in the beginning of the second half but were unable to convert their chances. France added a fourth in the 70th minute after this GORGEOUS cross by Vicky Becho aimed at Le Sommer.

It was a rough night for Morocco but their tournament was not a disappointment. They became the first Arab nation to qualify for a Women’s World Cup. The Atlas Lionesses got their first point and first win and became the first Arab nation to make it to the Round of 16 in a Women’s World Cup. They also qualified over tournament favorite Germany! Nouhaila Benzina’s impact as the first player to wear a hijab at a Women’s World Cup will be everlasting.

We’re also hoping France took notice and gets rid of their hijab ban for players, coaches and officials.

Up next for Morocco: Hosting the 2024 edition of the Women’s Africa Cup of Nations.

Next up for the winners: Colombia will face England and France will play Australia.

BYE

– Courtney & André