WAKE UP (for AUS/NZ): What a time we had last night

Thanks to y’all we’re gonna be twenty toes down in Australia and New Zealand for the 2023 World Cup! The WAKE UP edition of our newsletter will be your go-to spot for updates, analysis, recaps, travel chat, and anything else we drop.

Hello! Have you missed us? Both André and Courtney are officially on the other side of the world. André is based in New Zealand while Courtney is traveling around with Shea Butter FC to a few spots in Australia.

In case you missed our last recap of group stage games, we have the link for you right here: THE GROUP OF DEATH IS GROUP OF DEATHING.

We’ll have more in depth recaps and experience blogs about France vs Brazil, Australia vs Nigeria and Germany vs Colombia for you soon!

🚨 If you’re attempting to avoid match spoilers, do NOT scroll further!

We’re serious, don’t do it! You’ve been warned!

Still reading? Ok let’s do this…

Group G:

Sweden 5-0 Italy

André had just touched down in Wellington hours before kickoff, was jet lagged, nearing exhaustion, and had lost an entire day: but the HASHTAG GO TO GAMES CAMPAIGN is a way of life!

The walkup to the stadium was dope, there were plenty of Sweden and Italy fans to make it a loud and fun atmosphere. Going to games is awesome because you get an even deeper appreciation for the skill and speed of the players, and the tactical perspective is unmatched, but it’s also dope to experience the flows and decisions of a match with thousands of others.

To the game: well, damn. I got increasingly hype because Italy looked so much better than in their first match versus Argentina. Their technical ability on the ball and knowledge of when to pop into space was giving the Swedes absolute FITS. This, combined with some shaky moments of Zećira Mušović not being able to make clean saves, threatened to put the favorites under pressure.

Then, Sweden earned a couple corners. Sweden are hashtag tall and love pinning one of their tallest players, center back Amanda Ilestedt, directly in front of the keeper. Italy consistently had zero answers and as a result three of Sweden’s five goals came from corners, Ilestedt bagged a brace, and that was that.

There probably won’t be many better examples of how goals change games than this one. We feel sorry for Italy, who were excellent in the opening stages. But once Sweden got a couple goals, things got tight as Italy pressed, Sweden capitalized on mistakes, and the contest deflated as the scoreline swelled.

Argentina 2-2 South Africa

Maaaaan we thought South Africa was on their way to a first ever group stage win. In absolutely WILD match, Argentina fought back from 2-0 down to get two goals in five minutes to tie 2-2. Banyana Bayana played a great 70 minutes and then imploded. They reminded folks that VAR can occasionally do a good thing:

Then Louisville’s Thembi Kgatlana scored South Africa’s second and celebrated in style:

Argentina played alright for the majority of the match but clearly couldn’t handle South Africa’s forwards. Then Yamila Rodriguez subbed in and the team did a 180 and fought back for a crucial point. To our pain as Diaspora supporters but lovers of all fire footy things, Sophia Braun scored one of the best goals we’ve ever seen this tournament:

Round of 16 Clinching Scenarios:

Sweden: Already qualified (win or tie to get top of group)

Italy: Win vs South Africa OR tie vs South Africa + Argentina draw/loss to Sweden

South Africa: Win vs Italy + Argentina draw/loss to Sweden

Argentina: Win vs Sweden + Italy/South Africa Draw

Group D:

England 1-0 Denmark

Lauren James IS THAT GWORL. Just look at the STUNNING STRIKE she had on her World Cup (and first major tournament) debut.

In our World Cup preview pod, we wondered who would be the natural successor to Fran Kirby (didn’t make the squad due to injury) and the answer is very clearly Lauren James.

Good to see Sarina Wiegman realize that Lauren James should start, but lordT Rachel Daly is a left back again give us strength. England won and that’s six points from back-to-back shaky 1-0s. Performance wise this isn’t the England we thought we’d see, and definitely not the one that’s been dominant since winning the EUROs. Points wise, everything looks fine.

England also appear to have survived an injury scare for Keira Walsh. She went down in a way that suggested another ACL injury, but scans revealed she avoided that particular plague. She’ll definitely miss the next match and we’ll have to see how she progresses to know her availability for the knockout round.

Ok here’s more angles of Lauren James’ GOLAZO because you deserve to have some joy:

China 1-0 Haiti

#JUSTICEFORHAITI

The refs really ruined this one for us. Haiti played the majority of the match a player up but conceded a late penalty to China. Racing Louisville’s Wang Shuang scored the winning goal.

Haiti will be frustrated with themselves for not capitalizing after being a player up 60+ minutes but they will also be extremely angry the refs didn’t looks at SEVERAL fouls in the box that could have been given as a penalty and the penalty call that was overturned. We’re still not over it.

They can still make it to the round of 16 but will need a favor from England to make it through.

Round of 16 Clinching Scenarios:

England: Already clinched, need a win or tie to get top of the group

For Haiti, Denmark and China, all three need to win, have a better goal differential than the other two teams and hope the other team(s) drop points. So that looks like:

Denmark: Win vs Haiti + China tie/loss

Haiti: Win + China loss + better goal differential than China + Denmark

China: Win vs England + Haiti/Denmark tie OR Win + Haiti/Denmark loss + better goal differential than Haiti/Denmark

Group F:

France 2-1 Brazil

Courtney was there. She has not recovered. To be fair, she watched the best match of the tournament in person. The stakes were high. The match was tense and fast paced. The nearly sold out crowd never stopped singing. It quickly became an all time classic.

France played a nearly flawless match. Hervé Renard only had four months with this group before the World Cup started and man if he had more time, Les Bleues would be an even stronger contender to win it all. His game plan was played to near perfection and made this Brazil team, one we could not have been more excited about, look average in this tournament. Eugénie Le Sommer opened the scoring in the 17th minute, assisted by Diani.

Brazil eventually found a way back in the second half and Debinha scored her FIRST (yes, first!) ever World Cup goal.

The match could have gone either way but France came out with teh winner after Debinha didn’t pass the ball to a wide open Kerolin on a breakaway. Just a few minutes later, Brazil did something extremely silly and didn’t mark Wendie Renard on a corner. The One Thing You Must Always Do.

We still don’t understand why Pia won’t put in Marta earlier in the match. We know she had a knock coming into the tournament but when you need a win, why did you only give Marta five minutes and stoppage time. Foolish behavior. 

France’s win gives them four points at the top of the group and sets up the last match day for some absolute chaos. Brazil will look to bounce back against a spirited Jamaica squad with a fresh Bunny Shaw (sat out of the game vs Panama).

Panama 0-1 Jamaica

This was a must win for Jamaica and thanks to one of the wackest double yellows you’ll ever see they had to get it done without Bunny Shaw. Though Jamaica have talent, as we’ve seen with Australia missing Sam Kerr, missing a talismanic forward can leave a team without a lot more than just the goals they offer.

Yenith Bailey came up with some incredible flying saves, one on Vyan Sampson and a wicked free kick from Drew Spence. BUT UP THEN POPPED CAPTAIN AND DEFENDER ALLYSON SWABY!

Jamaica held on for the win and became massive history makers in the process:

The triumph of the Reggae Girlz set up the perfect scenario for their third match versus Brazil: Winner. Takes. ALL.

Jamaica is tied with France on four points while Brazil is just a point below. Brazil absolutely MUST win the match to go through, while Jamaica can make history with another historical upset to pair with the 0-0 they earned against France. WE’RE SHOOK BUT WE’RE ALSO SO HYPE!

Round of 16 Clinching Scenarios:

France: Win and Jamaica tie/loss (to win the group) OR tie and Jamaica tie/loss OR loss and Brazil win

Jamaica: Win or Tie vs Brazil

Brazil: Win

Panama: Eliminated (pain)

Group H:

South Korea 0-1 Morocco

There are fifty-effin-five places between these teams in FIFA’s rankings which is why we hate and laugh at their very strange system. Ranking systems are always tough, but FIFA regularly devalues African nations and it continues to be both racist and dumb.

Morocco’s rise has been intentional and great to see, and a sign of what’s possible with investment. Literally any country can do this if they get the investment and their federation uses its resources properly.

‘In 2019, the federation launched a fully professional national football league and regional second tier. They committed to paying the salaries of 25 players per team and eight staff, including U-17 and U-15 coaches, for 42 clubs across the country, making Morocco the first country in the world to have two tiers of professional women’s football.’ –Al Jazeera

Anyway, Morocco started the match brilliantly, playing some lovely quick touch stuff to evade South Korea’s pressure. Twenty-one-year-old Sarina Ouzraoui was a standout on the right flank, dancing around defenders and creating some fun sequences.

Six minutes in right back Hanane Aït El Haj sent a lovely cross into the box and Ibtissam Jraïdi glanced a perfect diving header just behind the far post to give Morocco the lead. The goal was Morocco’s first in a World Cup, making them the first Arabic nation to not only make a World Cup, but score in one, and also became the first to win a match.

South Korea tried to flip the switch, and though they had sixteen shots they still ended the match with zero on target. A major reason why was Moroccan center back Nouhaila Benzina, who, in addition to making history that extends beyond the pitch, had a nearly flawless defensive performance.

BYE

– André & Courtney